I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
