He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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