There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
