ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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