I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
