I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
