I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
