I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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