i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize