I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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