the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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