I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pappa wants mamma naked
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
