highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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