I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
