I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
