She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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