Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
