If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
