My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
