It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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