So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
