On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
