she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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