I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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