Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think my moral compass just broke
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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