Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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