I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize