I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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