You're my little dorito
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
