I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
