why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
