Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
