Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
