she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
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