it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
