Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
