Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
where does the pee come out of this thing
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
