Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Randomize
