My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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