You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
