its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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