I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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