carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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