Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
