the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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