so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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