Me too!
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
