ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
