I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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