woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
