I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
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