I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
