Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
