I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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