Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
