i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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