remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
