i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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