I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize
