so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
