thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Randomize
