you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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