Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
A+ Viking dick
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