I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
