Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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