All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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