Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
