I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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