I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Randomize
