hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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