he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
