I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
... don't judge me
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style