I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit