dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.