i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
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He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
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He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?