dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.