sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck