I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
not ubering you a puppy
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.