I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
